A cold winter's night...

Okay, so i know it is not exactly winter yet, but it sure as hell feels like it. I am not sure what today's high temperature was, but it wasn't enough. Even though I called in sick to work again tonight, I still had to go do some running this afternoon, and I froze my ass off the whole time. I swear I feel like a bucket of fuck, and I went out today looking like a bucket of fuck's twin sister. I wore my PJ's. Why? Because I could, and because they are warm and cuddly, and I wanted to be comfortable. I put on not a stitch of make-up, and to be completely honest, the people who had to deal with me today should count their blessings that I had bathed right before leaving the house, otherwise, I may not have even bothered to brush my hair today. I went and did the things i had to do, and then I came home. I have started dinner. I am making my homemade potato soup. It is one of my favorites on cold days like today. I could care less if anyone else in the house wants it tonight or not, that is what i am making so if they don't like it, they can starve. Speaking of starving...The Honey is fine (for now anyway), but he has to get a minor procedure done on Thursday. His doctor has ordered him not to eat for, get this, forty eight hours! Okay, so he can have clear fluids, but what man can survive on that for forty eight hours? Stupid Nazi Doctor!!! The Honey was already craving a burger at noon today, and I had to make him promise to be a good boy and do what the doctor says. He has promised, and I think he will do it, but why in God's name does he have to starve for that long? That is just silly. I wish I was there to make him a big ol' steak and potato dinner when he gets done, with some strawberry cheesecake for dessert. (Maybe even a pineapple or two as well.) I hope that everything turns out to be nothing. I know it will, it has to, just 'cause I need my best friend!!! Speaking of best friends, my best female friend, Toni, is starting to drive me insane. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But she is literally getting on my last nerve as of late. She has always been very "spiritual", but lately every conversation seems to turn into a religious debate with her. Every comment I make about my life seems to come back to how much "better off" I would be if I would give up men (drinking, my children, my job, my life, etc., etc.) and devote myself completely to the worship of God. Now, let me say that I am a believer. But i do not think that whatever God may be, he expects me to stop living my life. I do not think he expects me at the age of thirty six (OMG, I just said that obnoxious number out loud!), to deny myself the pleasure of love and companionship that the men in my life offer me, and be content to have only Him in my life. We as human beings were just not designed that way. I need more to keep me warm at night than the love of my Heavenly Father. I wish she would just get off of me about it all. And then to make matters worse, she argues with me about MY PERSONAL RELIGIOUS BELIEFS! She tells me that what i believe is WRONG! and if I do not get it right then I can NEVER BE RIGHT WITH GOD! I just want to scream at her asking if she has ever read the part of the bible that says "Judge not...." I do not downgrade her beliefs, I would never do that to ANYONE, so how is it that this woman who claims that I am like a daughter/sister to her can do that to me and think it is okay? And if I have to hear her admonish me again for eating when I am hungry, saying things like "I would just hate to see you gain all that weight back..." I swear i will scream! I am not gaining any weight back, and while I am no longer dropping the pounds, the pants sizes are still dropping regularly. My body has curves it hasn't known in years, and I am feeling (mostly) comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a long time. i do not need someone breathing down my neck because I choose to pig out and eat a couple of Chalupas and steak soft tacos once in awhile. (Oh and someone can let her know, I am sitting here eating a box of dark chocolate covered cherries as i am writing this. They are one of my favorite parts of the holiday season damn it, and I will eat the whole fucking box if I want to, so there!) ((They have to be the liquid center ones, not the ones with that white goo in them.)) Well, I have ranted long enough for now, I need to go check on my potato soup (with lots of real butter, onions, garlic, ham, potatoes, black pepper, celery, and fresh Italian parsley.) So that's all, Goodbye.