Okay, so I used a line from a song as the title of this post. Big deal. It is just so fitting to all the life lessons I have been learning this past few weeks. I am sitting here tonight, in the gazebo of the hotel in Texas, thinking. What I should be doing is finishing my packing, washing my stinky, sweaty ass and steeling myself for a twelve hour long bus ride home. ( I also need to figure out how to steal one of the hotel pillows without them noticing as I need one to sleep in the bus, and didn't bring one with me.) Instead I am sitting here waiting for Heath to get off work and come pick up Melanie's cooler which she left here last night, and blogging. Typical procrastination technique that I am so good at, wait until the last minute to do everything that needs doing and blame it on someone else being late. I have been sitting here reading my emails, and drinking Bacardi silver raz (yummy by the way), and thinking back on all the things I have learned about myself lately. (And about other people as well.)
1.) Drinking foo-foo drinks gives me nasty hangovers. (stick with jack and coke, buzz with no regrets.)
2.) I am stupid.
3.) Eight people can polish off three cases of beer and a case of foo-foo drinks in less than five hours, but the effects are much more lasting.
4.) Girls in Texas pound back beer faster than most men I know.
5.) I am a hopeless romantic, and that sucks, and hurts, and still I can't seem to change that about myself.
6.) Don't judge a book by the synopsis on the back cover. People are often much more,or much less than what they appear to be at first glance.
7.) I have the innate ability to make friends quickly, and somehow always seem to find that one person in a whole group of people that is a friendship fit with me.
8.) If you are a hard worker, people will bend rules to keep you happy.
9.) Texas grows on you.
10.) I need to learn to better defend my heart against inevitable pain.
11.) If I want something bad enough, I am sure to never get it.
12.) The Texas branch of my company will waive the 45 day wait that you usually have to have in order to leave one plant and apply at another. (In fact, their general manager will put me to work today if I choose to stay.)
13.) The Iowa management doesn't want me to move to Texas.
14.) I want to go back to school. (maybe some online classes to start with?)
15.) When talking on the phone with a friend in Indiana at four in the morning, don't call her crazy when she says she just felt an earthquake. (she really did)
16.) Don't loan someone your cell phone at three am, they just may accidentally speed dial your friend in Indiana.
17.) I want to join a gym.
18.) If you may possibly want to steal a pillow from your hotel, take it from someone else's room.
19.) You can find sushi in Texas.
20.) I hate the Golden Corral.
21.) I am going to up-bid for a better paying position when I get back to Iowa. (The responsibility won't kill me!)
22.) At least one of the Upper-middle management at my facility thinks I would make a great lead-person. (As a stepping stone to supervisor.)
23.) No matter how many people love you, it is still possible to feel very lonely most of the time.
24.) I want to be held when I sleep, and not having that is part of my insomnia problem.
25.) Texas shaped waffles rock!
26.) I wear an invisible sign somewhere that only men can see that seems to say..."only good enough to be a piece on the side."
27.) That will never be enough for me.
28.) I deserve better.
29.) I need more.
30.) I want to be loved without reservation, or hesitation and without end.
31.) If I don't go pack I will be stuck in Texas.
That's all, goodnight.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I am not afraid of messing with Texas....
Okay, so I am sitting in the little the gazebo at the hotel in Texas. It is currently 0644 in the a.m. and I am finally starting to feel a little tired. That is a good thing since the insomnia has started up again with a vengeance. My roommate is a very light sleeper so I have been spending my nights wandering aimlessly or hanging out in the lobby. Tonight I stumbled upon the fitness center and in an attempt to wear myself into exhaustion and hopefully sleep, I spent two hours just working out. I really need to join a gym. It has been ages since I have done any real exercise, and it felt great. I spent 20 minutes with the weight machine thingy, then 40 minutes on the treadmill and an hour on the life cycle. It is funny, after all that exercise I ran the fitness test on the life cycle and it says I am at "above average" fitness. I can maintain a good speed for the duration and my heart rate never seems to get out of target range. I am actually right in the dead center of target. So I guess that is good for a woman who by government health guidelines is about 50 pounds overweight, is closing rapidly in on her 37th birthday, smokes two packs a day, and never gets any real exercise. Maybe if I join a gym I can finally fall into the governments ideal weight class for my height. (Though personally I think if is get that small I will look like I need a cheeseburger!) The work trip has gone well, for the most part. I have become quite close to many of my co-workers. We have had a blast getting to know each other outside of work. I have picked up a few new Spanish words, and some of the bigots in Texas are beginning to wonder if I am not a Hispanic disguised as a white girl. I swear if one more person here says to me (and I quote) "It is nice to know someone from Iowa TALKS English.", I may just end up in jail! I finally responded to some of them stating that "Why yes, I do SPEAK English. So do my teammates. When you learn to speak English as well as they do, you might try speaking with them." I don't think the people in this plant are too pleased with me. I will say that not everyone has been rude like that I have met some wonderful people here. I will be staying on with a small group that will not be returning on Friday as was planned, but we will stay to work the weekend and return to Iowa on Monday. I have become quite comfortable with the machine I will be operating when we get back to our plant. I have also learned that I am in for two back to back raises. One for going up a grade by becoming an M-tek operator (that is the machine I will be running.), and one for being with the company for one year. Yeah for me! I am finally starting to feel a bit sleepy, so I think I will just share a few photos from my trip, and head to bed. UPDATE!!!! I was attempting to upload some pictures of my trip but every time I hit the finish button Internet explorer shuts down. I give up for now, will try again when I am wired in to the net instead of on the stupid hotel wi-fi system. That's all, goodnight! (Okay it is 0732, but it is time for me to attempt sleep so....)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
A quick update...
Okay, so I know I have been gone for a long time this time, but things have been kind of crazy lately. I am still staying at Toni's and I am still working, though not nearly enough. My company is doing a refit of all the machines in our plant and so I have been cut back to four days a week, about five hours a day. Unfortunately that means the paychecks have been rather less than what I have become accustomed to. Things are still very bad between the hubby and myself. I do not anticipate a return to my marriage. I have come to the realization that I just can't do that to myself again. Every day for years, I was dying a little more, and I have decided that I need to be away from him and regain myself. He has the children which is difficult for all of us. But for right now is what is best for the kids. He says that he wants us to have joint custody, but he wants to be the custodial parent. I am not sure how I feel about that. I have been doing a lot of soul searching as of late, and I will let you know what I decide, when I decide it. I did have some good in my life recently. I went on a vacation and spent a week with my best friend in the world. I was very happy for that short period of time. Happier than I have been in years. But leaving was difficult. And I miss my best friend terribly. I hope to be able to visit again soon. For now things are back to the same old, same old. I will be taking a trip to Texas on the 11th of this month. My company is sending me to get some training on some new equipment we will be working with when the refit is done. I was hoping that the trip would be somewhat of a vacation, but it appears that that will not be the case. I will be working second shift down there as well, and will put in a seven day work week. That will do my bank account some good, but leaves little time for recreation. I think I may, however, buy myself my first bathing suit in more than ten years, and lay next to the pool during my sleeping hours. I am in serious need of a tan! The Honey is doing well, except that he is sick and working too much as per usual. I guess that is all for now, I will post again when I have the chance, but as my computer still lives at my home, and I do not, I do not know when that will be. I miss you all, and hope to hear from you soon. That's all, Goodnight.
P.S. Mary, you have my email addy.... use it!
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Fergie fiasco, and new shoes...
Okay, so my beautiful dog Fergie has landed herself in doggie Dachau! That's right, she is in the pound. They are keeping her jailed for the next ten days! Ten days! I could go commit a convenience store robbery and be out in less time. See she made a bid for freedom this afternoon. But that is not why she is in doggie jail. She ran wildly allover the neighborhood. Romping with the kids chasing her, scaring all the other animals whose paths she crossed. She was having fun. She let the kids chase her for awhile, then she turned and chased them for awhile. The game continued thusly until a helpful neighbor decided she could be of assistance. She went into her house and came back out with a treat for Fergie. A rawhide chew stick. Fergie's favorites. Of course Fergie eats them completely in a matter of less than a minute, so it is not something she gets often. The woman held out the treat to Fergie hoping to help the kids catch her. Fergie took the treat, but scraped the woman's pinkie finger in the process. Her husband freaked out. He showed up at my house demanding to see shot records. He called the police. He called the pound. They came and took my sweet Fergie. The woman from the animal shelter was shocked when she met Fergie. She expected some vicious beast. Instead she was met by a 95 pound lap dog who wanted to lick her face and who was shaking all over with excitement at all the attention she was getting. She spoke with the woman who got "bit". I will say she was honest. She admitted that Fergie did not intend to hurt her, and that she was fine. Her husband was drunk and belligerent, but since Fergie broke skin she had to be taken. On the downside, it will cost around one hundred and fifty bucks to spring her from doggie jail. But, on the upside, since she was actively being pursued we are not getting a dog at large ticket and the fine will cover this year's license fees and micro chipping. Her rabies vaccines are all current, so it is just a matter of waiting the ten days for her to come home. The kids have learned a valuable lesson about being careful when coming and going from the house, and the shelter is within walking distance so they can go and see her everyday if they want to. All in all, it could have been a whole lot worse. The worst part of it all was hearing my children sobbing as they took Fergie away. For that I will find a way to get even with the drunk bastard who did this! But, that will wait ... for awhile.
After the whole Fergie fiasco, I took my son Jamie to get some new shoes. I seem to have to get him new ones every other month these days. I think puberty is officially hitting him. His voice is starting to crack a bit when he speaks. He has shot up over the past few months and is now taller than I am by a few inches. He is sprouting underarm hair ( I will not ask about other places, there are some things a mom doesn't need to know), and today the shoes we bought were a men's size twelve. Twelve! When did that happen? I swear it seems like just last week that I was holding him in my arms nursing him. His big brown eyes looking up at me like I was the sun, the moon and all the stars rolled up together. Actually, as much as we fight these days, he still looks at me like that sometimes. He is a great kid all in all. And funny! He makes me giggle with his silliness. We had fun shopping together, though he did get a bit irritated when i made him help me find the "boyshort" panties I wanted! (hahahahaha) I sometimes wish he would stay my little boy, but it is also fun watching him grow into a man. That's all, goodnight.
After the whole Fergie fiasco, I took my son Jamie to get some new shoes. I seem to have to get him new ones every other month these days. I think puberty is officially hitting him. His voice is starting to crack a bit when he speaks. He has shot up over the past few months and is now taller than I am by a few inches. He is sprouting underarm hair ( I will not ask about other places, there are some things a mom doesn't need to know), and today the shoes we bought were a men's size twelve. Twelve! When did that happen? I swear it seems like just last week that I was holding him in my arms nursing him. His big brown eyes looking up at me like I was the sun, the moon and all the stars rolled up together. Actually, as much as we fight these days, he still looks at me like that sometimes. He is a great kid all in all. And funny! He makes me giggle with his silliness. We had fun shopping together, though he did get a bit irritated when i made him help me find the "boyshort" panties I wanted! (hahahahaha) I sometimes wish he would stay my little boy, but it is also fun watching him grow into a man. That's all, goodnight.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
A little bout of crazy...
Okay, so I had a crazy day. Not crazy like strange things happened. I was crazy today. I woke up feeling as though I wanted to cry. I have no idea why. I hid it well I think. For the most part. When I got to work, Lina (Catalina) said that I looked "too happy." She just smiled and did her little heart throb sign at me. I smiled and walked away. How could I explain to someone who speaks so little English that I was faking it. That what I wanted to do was scream, and sob, and I didn't know why? I cheated and listened to my MP3 player all night while I was working. My bosses know I do it sometimes. They don't care. I just have to be careful with the QA lady that doesn't like me. She takes it personally that I break all the rules. It is nothing personal. It is just my nature. Hell, the big boss just rolls his eyes and pretends not to notice when he catches me at it. Maybe it is because my rule breaking does not hurt anyone. It does not effect my job performance, except to maybe help me make it through another cold boring night. So anyway, I listened to music, and sang loudly and badly all night. And managed to hold back the tears until I was standing in the cold waiting for Toni to come pick me up and bring me back here. That was when the Dam broke. I just stood there, tears running down my face, not knowing why, and trying to keep everyone from noticing. When I got in the car, the sobs came. I went to Toni's for awhile and cried til the tears wouldn't come anymore. I feel better now. I still don't know why I needed the tears today. But whatever it was, is gone for now. So today is a good day. That's all, goodnight.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Work, kids, sinuses! I need a vacation!
Okay, so I have been working A LOT! It seems that is all I am doing these days. At least six or seven days a week, and a little bit of overtime almost every day. Things are not getting any better around here. The hubby still does NOTHING to make things easier on me. I am expected to work until one in the morning, and then get up at six to get the kids off to school. Sometimes I can, sometimes I sleep right through my alarm clock and my phone alarm going off. Hell, lately I have even slept right through The Honey calling. I got a letter from the school about my son's absences and tardies. They have threatened me with the county attornies office and the truancy officer. I wonder how many of those people exist on 3 hours of sleep a day on average? When I was living at Toni's I was able to get more sleep. I still had to be the one to get the kids up for school each day, either by calling and waking them up, or getting up off the couch and driving over here and wake them up myself, but I was sleeping longer, and the sleep I got was much more restful. Since I have been back home, I am suffering from insomnia again, and the sleep that I do manage seems to leave me wanting. My brain is starting to rebel. My thoughts are starting to get fuzzy around the edges, and I am starting to have nightmares during my short bursts of sleep. I slept quite a bit last night. The kids did not have school this morning due to the extreme cold front that came through this area last night. So I took a double dose of nyquil and passed right out after I got home from work at one thirty in the morning. You would think I would have felt better after that. HA! I woke up with a sore throat and my head so stopped up I sounded like Fran Dresher. I took something for my sinuses this morning. What a mistake. My nose is so sore from wiping and blowing that I am considering an ice pack for it. (Insert sad, whiney face here) (With a bright red Rudolph nose.) I am about to take some more nyquil. As soon as it starts to kick in I will crawl to the couch and collapse. The hubby has said he will just stay up all night to make sure the kids get off to school in the morning. If he doesn't, I will offer him up to the county attorney myself. That's all, Goodnight.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Valentine's Day can kiss my ...
Okay, so Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Who cares? The truth of the matter is I do. I know it is just another day, but this year for the first time in eighteen years, I will not be part of a couple on Valentine's Day. I will be alone, utterly and completely alone. I will get no roses. No candies. No jewlery. I will get no romantic card. No dinner out. No night of pampering and romance. The last time i was single on Valentine's Day, I bought myself my rose tattoo that is on my ankle. Maybe this year I will get something fun again. Maybe I will get a new tattoo. Maybe I will get something peirced. Maybe I will go out to the bar and find a boy that wants to kiss me. Or maybe, what is more likely is that I will work all night, and then come home, cuddle up on my couch alone, and cry myself to sleep. Being so completely alone on Valentine's Day sucks. That's all, Bye.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Quick Update...
Okay, so I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything new. There are a number of reasons why...I haven't been living here where my computer is...I have been working a lot...I have been lazy.... Mostly, it is because I have been lazy. My life is full of such drama sometimes that it saps all the energy right out of me. So, here is a quick update on what is going on in my life. I am living back at my house again. No, I did not come back to the hubby. I came back to my children. I am sleeping on the couch, and I do not anticipate sleeping anywhere but the couch for a very, very long time. (I really should look for a more comfortable couch.) I am working a lot these days. We just finished a seven day week (which means at least 12 days without a day off), which really sucks as I am one of those put in my forty and go home kind of people. But, I can use the money, and next month we will have reduced hours. Toni and I are having some issuses, she is still my best friend, but things are a bit strained between us right now. The Honey is all healed up from his injuries, and has been back at work for some time. We still try to find time to talk everyday. He still makes me smile like no one else can. (And sigh.) I have been spending too much time out at the bar after work lately, so I have decided to cut down to twice a month. I am hoping to get my income taxes done this week. I need to buy myself a car and get my license. I am tired of having to ask for rides everywhere, and I need my independence back. Well, that is about all that I can think of at the moment. I will be blogging more soon I promise. I have to go get ready for work now. Hugs to you all. That's all, Bye.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
I miss you....
Okay, so I need the net at Toni's house. Fast! I miss all my blog buddies! That's all, Goodnight.
Friday, January 18, 2008
A beautiful mind (Kylie's of course...)
Okay, so i know I have not been posting much this last couple of weeks. I probably won't be posting much this next few either. As of last night, I no longer "live" here. Really not much has changed. I only spent one night in the last two weeks here anyway. I come home from work, do my online thing for awhile, and then head over to Toni's to sleep. That is how things will continue. At least for now. Other than that, not much has been going on. I went out a few times last week with Tiffany and Sicca (Fransisca, Sisca, Frenchie...that woman uses more names than I can keep up with.) We had a good time until Sicca's boyfriend decided to be an ass and come start an argument with her in the bar. Apparently it is just fine for him to go to a bar without her (which is what he had done before she called me to go out.) but it is not okay for her to do the same. After security escorted him out of the bar, he decided he would mess with her car so that when we went to leave, she would have to call him to come save us. Ha, joke is on him. Between myself and Tiffany's new boyfriend Scott, we figured out the problem. Scott kept insisting that he had done something to the fuel pump. I said he had unscrewed some spark plugs...(the thing was misfiring badly.) I was almost right. What he had done was to move all the spark plug wires around so that it would misfire. We could start it, but it won't stay running for long like that. So, once we got them back in the right order, her car ran like a champ. I hope she rethinks it before going back to him. I need to call her soon and see how she is. Today, I spent a few hours with my sweet Princess Poo Poo Nut (My daughter Kylie for the uninformed.) She and i had breakfast together, and then played awhile. She was singing up a storm for me. I pulled out the camera and of course she all of a sudden got shy, go figure. My Kylie
Add to My Profile | More Videos But we had a great time, and then laid down on the couch and took a nap together. I work on Saturday night, but I hope to have a "girls day" with Corrine, Kylie, and Toni on sunday. I wanted to do a slumber party girl's night, but working Saturday just doesn't leave me time available to do it. So Sunday we will order pizza, watch girlie movies, do each other's hair, make-up and nails, and just be silly together. I have missed them. I Love them so very much. That's all, Goodnight.
Add to My Profile | More Videos But we had a great time, and then laid down on the couch and took a nap together. I work on Saturday night, but I hope to have a "girls day" with Corrine, Kylie, and Toni on sunday. I wanted to do a slumber party girl's night, but working Saturday just doesn't leave me time available to do it. So Sunday we will order pizza, watch girlie movies, do each other's hair, make-up and nails, and just be silly together. I have missed them. I Love them so very much. That's all, Goodnight.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Waa, waa, waa, waa (That's how adults sound to Charlie Brown)...
Okay, so I started blogging a few nights ago, when the hubby decided to come and hover over my shoulder. UGH! I hate that! I closed it down, and can't seem to get back into the spirit of what I was writing. So...that is one that will remain a draft forever. I am in general in a much better mood than I was when I wrote the last blog that actually got posted. Why? Well, truth be told, because I have had a lot of talk time with The Honey. That man is the cure for what EVER ails me. I could use him right now, telling me some of his silly jokes. But, all in all, I am good today. I had a rough night at work. (And a late one!) It was rough because I care too much about doing my job RIGHT! What I do may be menial labour, but, I figure that I should take pride in doing my job to the best of my ability, regardless of how menial it may be. The labels kept printing incorrectly tonight. The packages kept sealing incorrectly. And the guy I work with was on my last fucking nerve. The meat was coming too quickly, and the boxes we needed to pack it into were not coming quickly enough. Finally, at one o'clock my lead said we were done. Never mind the fact that all the packages needed new labels because of the printing problems. Ignore the wrinkles in the shrink wrap. I actually argued with him. Told him that I would not pack the meat like that, because QA would be sure to come down on me for it. He just laughed and told me to pack and send it. I did, after telling him that I would not stamp any boxes with my number that I knew were wrong. (I am 317A by the way.) He told me he would take the blame, and to stamp the boxes. I laughed, and sent them without my seal. We can fight about it some more tomorrow. I am worn out. I wish I was sleepy, but sleep is eluding me again these days. I had gotten better about sleeping. I was up to about 6 hours a night for awhile. But this past two weeks or so, I have dropped back down to an average of three. The Honey told me something to think about when I am trying to sleep. It works, it helps me to fall asleep. (Thanks Baby!) But, problem is, I do not stay asleep. And I haven't had a dream that I can recall for some time. (That one I told you about is the last one I remember....I wish I could dream that again!) I don't sleep well in my bed at all. I wake up feeling worse than when I went to sleep. I sleep better on Toni's couch. (It could be the reason I am on Toni's couch in the first place, that is what actually helps me sleep.) Maybe I need to start working out after I get home from work. Right now, what I do, is sit my ass down at this computer, and vegetate for hours. I can't go to sleep, just on the off chance that I actually sleep well. I have to stay up until at least seven in the morning, in order to get the kids up for school. They have missed far too much school from me sleeping through my alarm, and the school is starting to get upset. So, I stay up, and sleep after I get them out the door. I have been killing my time in yahoo chat. It is boring most of the time, but occasionally I find someone interesting to talk with. And that is about all I can think of to write about tonight. So, I will end with a joke I heard today that I thought would make The Honey smile. If I don't say it now, I will forget it. (And I don't want a single comment about me being racist, because anyone who knows me knows that I am not!) Okay here it goes.....
Man 1: I am pissed off at Santa this year!
Man 2: Why?
Man 1: Because I asked for a black Hummer with a lot of chrome.
Man 2: You didn't get it, huh?
Man 1: Yep! That fucker sent me a crack whore with braces!
And that, my friends, made me giggle. That's all, Goodnight!
Man 1: I am pissed off at Santa this year!
Man 2: Why?
Man 1: Because I asked for a black Hummer with a lot of chrome.
Man 2: You didn't get it, huh?
Man 1: Yep! That fucker sent me a crack whore with braces!
And that, my friends, made me giggle. That's all, Goodnight!
Sunday, January 6, 2008
A lazy Sunday afternoon...
Okay, so I have been very sad this week. I had to do something to feel a little bit better before I go back to work tomorrow. I think they are beginning to suspect that I am crazy. I have been caught crying (apparently with no reason) a few times this past few days. My boss actually asked me if I wanted to speak with Pastor Manny. Somehow, I don't think this is something I can discuss with clergy. So I went to Toni's today. Her home is my haven. My safe place. My scream, laugh or cry, it is all okay kind of place to be. I cried. Then I gave myself a facial. I didn't feel any better. So I gave myself a manicure and a pedicure. I still don't feel better, but I have softer skin and pretty hands and feet. The space bar on my computer keeps sticking. I hit it and it does nothing. So that is making me weepy too. How silly is that? Eventually I will be okay again. Eventually I will be able to smile a real smile, and not just fake it when people are looking a little too closely. But for now, I will just give a cheesy grin and fake my way through. For now I will be content that I am loved despite it all. Later I will go in and soak for a long time in a hot bath, and close my eyes, and try to take myself to a happy place. Later, I will crawl into bed and put my arms around my little girl and hope sleep claims me. And hope that I dream. And hope that in my dream, I get to be where I want to be. That's all,Goodnight.
And simply because i was bored while killing time at the keyboard waiting for The Honey to come online tonight i took a picture of my nails, aren't they pretty? I need to go get acrylics though, because they are all different lengths because they break at work. ( I actually took a picture of my toes too, but I have ugly feet and i will not post that!)
And simply because i was bored while killing time at the keyboard waiting for The Honey to come online tonight i took a picture of my nails, aren't they pretty? I need to go get acrylics though, because they are all different lengths because they break at work. ( I actually took a picture of my toes too, but I have ugly feet and i will not post that!)
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Pain...
Okay, I know I have posted this song before, but it is how I have been feeling lately. So...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A kiss goodbye...
Okay, so I got up at six thirty this morning. By seven I was out the door and headed to Toni's to get ready for my day. (I practically live at Toni's, I do everything there but sleep, and even that sometimes.) It was very cold on the walk over. I think the news said seven degrees. I didn't catch what it was when you included the wind chill. I got to Toni's and for the first time in a long time, did not make coffee. I had no time. I jumped into the shower and scrubbed my hair and body quickly. (Toni has a tiny hot water heater!) As soon as I was done I got dressed and attempted to blow dry my hair. That is always a mistake. It ends up a frizzy mess. Oh well, today was NOT about me. I threw on a touch of make-up to try and hide the dark circles under my eyes, and it was time to go. We had to be in Omaha at nine. Deb picked me up. Alicia and her fiance Ryan were in the back seat. We headed across the bridge, and finally made it to our destination. We were buzzed in and had to sign in with the woman at the desk. We were told to have a seat, someone would come for us shortly. We didn't have long to wait. During the short time that we were sitting there, Deb began to cry. I put my arms around her, and told her it would be okay. "This is a good thing", I think I said. Deb dried her tears, I told her not let HER see her cry. She came around the corner like a shy little girl. She was dressed in jeans and a "Harry Potter" Hoodie. No make-up, her hair pulled back with a pen sticking out of it. Our Emily. Still very much a little girl. Today a woman we had to let go of. She led us to a small room. There were only two other people there. Young boys. Young men. Flags lined the wall behind the podium. Other than that, the room was practically bare. We stood along the back wall. Emily joined the two boys facing the podium. In a matter of minutes a man entered the room, and went to the podium. He talked to Emily and the boys for a moment, and then he started. It took just about 3 minutes, and it was over.
I remember the first time I met Emily. I was already married to her father. (Something she has never really forgiven me for.) She was six. A tall, skinny little thing with legs that seemed impossibly long for her body. She waited, that day, until no one else was paying attention. As soon as she got her chance, she whispered to me. I will never forget what she said. "I hate you." I just looked at her and smiled. "That's okay", I said. "You do not have to like me in order for me to love you." She was taken aback for just a split second, and then looked at me with those defiant eyes and responded, "I will never love you." At that point everyone came back into the room, and she ran over to hug her father some more. She didn't speak to me again that day.
Today, I stood by and watched as Emily became a member of the Untied States Army. I had been invited. I got hugs and kisses. I got thanked for coming. And that little girl with those same defiant eyes looked at me today and told me that she loved me. After the swearing in, we went to meet her at the airport. We were hoping to be able to see her off at the gate. That was a No Go! We could only get passes to get beyond security if she was headed to Iraq we were told. I hope we never have to get passes. We waited with her until she finally had to go get checked in. As she walked away, I watched her go. She is tall and skinny and she has legs that seem impossibly long for her body. And as she walked the walk she had to take alone, that walk away from her mother, and her sister, and myself...that walk into adulthood, I didn't see the woman she has become. I saw a six year old child. And I forced myself not to cry. That's all, Goodnight.
Emily's Oath...
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I remember the first time I met Emily. I was already married to her father. (Something she has never really forgiven me for.) She was six. A tall, skinny little thing with legs that seemed impossibly long for her body. She waited, that day, until no one else was paying attention. As soon as she got her chance, she whispered to me. I will never forget what she said. "I hate you." I just looked at her and smiled. "That's okay", I said. "You do not have to like me in order for me to love you." She was taken aback for just a split second, and then looked at me with those defiant eyes and responded, "I will never love you." At that point everyone came back into the room, and she ran over to hug her father some more. She didn't speak to me again that day.
Today, I stood by and watched as Emily became a member of the Untied States Army. I had been invited. I got hugs and kisses. I got thanked for coming. And that little girl with those same defiant eyes looked at me today and told me that she loved me. After the swearing in, we went to meet her at the airport. We were hoping to be able to see her off at the gate. That was a No Go! We could only get passes to get beyond security if she was headed to Iraq we were told. I hope we never have to get passes. We waited with her until she finally had to go get checked in. As she walked away, I watched her go. She is tall and skinny and she has legs that seem impossibly long for her body. And as she walked the walk she had to take alone, that walk away from her mother, and her sister, and myself...that walk into adulthood, I didn't see the woman she has become. I saw a six year old child. And I forced myself not to cry. That's all, Goodnight.
Emily's Oath...
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