Okay, so I used a line from a song as the title of this post. Big deal. It is just so fitting to all the life lessons I have been learning this past few weeks. I am sitting here tonight, in the gazebo of the hotel in Texas, thinking. What I should be doing is finishing my packing, washing my stinky, sweaty ass and steeling myself for a twelve hour long bus ride home. ( I also need to figure out how to steal one of the hotel pillows without them noticing as I need one to sleep in the bus, and didn't bring one with me.) Instead I am sitting here waiting for Heath to get off work and come pick up Melanie's cooler which she left here last night, and blogging. Typical procrastination technique that I am so good at, wait until the last minute to do everything that needs doing and blame it on someone else being late. I have been sitting here reading my emails, and drinking Bacardi silver raz (yummy by the way), and thinking back on all the things I have learned about myself lately. (And about other people as well.)
1.) Drinking foo-foo drinks gives me nasty hangovers. (stick with jack and coke, buzz with no regrets.)
2.) I am stupid.
3.) Eight people can polish off three cases of beer and a case of foo-foo drinks in less than five hours, but the effects are much more lasting.
4.) Girls in Texas pound back beer faster than most men I know.
5.) I am a hopeless romantic, and that sucks, and hurts, and still I can't seem to change that about myself.
6.) Don't judge a book by the synopsis on the back cover. People are often much more,or much less than what they appear to be at first glance.
7.) I have the innate ability to make friends quickly, and somehow always seem to find that one person in a whole group of people that is a friendship fit with me.
8.) If you are a hard worker, people will bend rules to keep you happy.
9.) Texas grows on you.
10.) I need to learn to better defend my heart against inevitable pain.
11.) If I want something bad enough, I am sure to never get it.
12.) The Texas branch of my company will waive the 45 day wait that you usually have to have in order to leave one plant and apply at another. (In fact, their general manager will put me to work today if I choose to stay.)
13.) The Iowa management doesn't want me to move to Texas.
14.) I want to go back to school. (maybe some online classes to start with?)
15.) When talking on the phone with a friend in Indiana at four in the morning, don't call her crazy when she says she just felt an earthquake. (she really did)
16.) Don't loan someone your cell phone at three am, they just may accidentally speed dial your friend in Indiana.
17.) I want to join a gym.
18.) If you may possibly want to steal a pillow from your hotel, take it from someone else's room.
19.) You can find sushi in Texas.
20.) I hate the Golden Corral.
21.) I am going to up-bid for a better paying position when I get back to Iowa. (The responsibility won't kill me!)
22.) At least one of the Upper-middle management at my facility thinks I would make a great lead-person. (As a stepping stone to supervisor.)
23.) No matter how many people love you, it is still possible to feel very lonely most of the time.
24.) I want to be held when I sleep, and not having that is part of my insomnia problem.
25.) Texas shaped waffles rock!
26.) I wear an invisible sign somewhere that only men can see that seems to say..."only good enough to be a piece on the side."
27.) That will never be enough for me.
28.) I deserve better.
29.) I need more.
30.) I want to be loved without reservation, or hesitation and without end.
31.) If I don't go pack I will be stuck in Texas.
That's all, goodnight.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I am not afraid of messing with Texas....
Okay, so I am sitting in the little the gazebo at the hotel in Texas. It is currently 0644 in the a.m. and I am finally starting to feel a little tired. That is a good thing since the insomnia has started up again with a vengeance. My roommate is a very light sleeper so I have been spending my nights wandering aimlessly or hanging out in the lobby. Tonight I stumbled upon the fitness center and in an attempt to wear myself into exhaustion and hopefully sleep, I spent two hours just working out. I really need to join a gym. It has been ages since I have done any real exercise, and it felt great. I spent 20 minutes with the weight machine thingy, then 40 minutes on the treadmill and an hour on the life cycle. It is funny, after all that exercise I ran the fitness test on the life cycle and it says I am at "above average" fitness. I can maintain a good speed for the duration and my heart rate never seems to get out of target range. I am actually right in the dead center of target. So I guess that is good for a woman who by government health guidelines is about 50 pounds overweight, is closing rapidly in on her 37th birthday, smokes two packs a day, and never gets any real exercise. Maybe if I join a gym I can finally fall into the governments ideal weight class for my height. (Though personally I think if is get that small I will look like I need a cheeseburger!) The work trip has gone well, for the most part. I have become quite close to many of my co-workers. We have had a blast getting to know each other outside of work. I have picked up a few new Spanish words, and some of the bigots in Texas are beginning to wonder if I am not a Hispanic disguised as a white girl. I swear if one more person here says to me (and I quote) "It is nice to know someone from Iowa TALKS English.", I may just end up in jail! I finally responded to some of them stating that "Why yes, I do SPEAK English. So do my teammates. When you learn to speak English as well as they do, you might try speaking with them." I don't think the people in this plant are too pleased with me. I will say that not everyone has been rude like that I have met some wonderful people here. I will be staying on with a small group that will not be returning on Friday as was planned, but we will stay to work the weekend and return to Iowa on Monday. I have become quite comfortable with the machine I will be operating when we get back to our plant. I have also learned that I am in for two back to back raises. One for going up a grade by becoming an M-tek operator (that is the machine I will be running.), and one for being with the company for one year. Yeah for me! I am finally starting to feel a bit sleepy, so I think I will just share a few photos from my trip, and head to bed. UPDATE!!!! I was attempting to upload some pictures of my trip but every time I hit the finish button Internet explorer shuts down. I give up for now, will try again when I am wired in to the net instead of on the stupid hotel wi-fi system. That's all, goodnight! (Okay it is 0732, but it is time for me to attempt sleep so....)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
A quick update...
Okay, so I know I have been gone for a long time this time, but things have been kind of crazy lately. I am still staying at Toni's and I am still working, though not nearly enough. My company is doing a refit of all the machines in our plant and so I have been cut back to four days a week, about five hours a day. Unfortunately that means the paychecks have been rather less than what I have become accustomed to. Things are still very bad between the hubby and myself. I do not anticipate a return to my marriage. I have come to the realization that I just can't do that to myself again. Every day for years, I was dying a little more, and I have decided that I need to be away from him and regain myself. He has the children which is difficult for all of us. But for right now is what is best for the kids. He says that he wants us to have joint custody, but he wants to be the custodial parent. I am not sure how I feel about that. I have been doing a lot of soul searching as of late, and I will let you know what I decide, when I decide it. I did have some good in my life recently. I went on a vacation and spent a week with my best friend in the world. I was very happy for that short period of time. Happier than I have been in years. But leaving was difficult. And I miss my best friend terribly. I hope to be able to visit again soon. For now things are back to the same old, same old. I will be taking a trip to Texas on the 11th of this month. My company is sending me to get some training on some new equipment we will be working with when the refit is done. I was hoping that the trip would be somewhat of a vacation, but it appears that that will not be the case. I will be working second shift down there as well, and will put in a seven day work week. That will do my bank account some good, but leaves little time for recreation. I think I may, however, buy myself my first bathing suit in more than ten years, and lay next to the pool during my sleeping hours. I am in serious need of a tan! The Honey is doing well, except that he is sick and working too much as per usual. I guess that is all for now, I will post again when I have the chance, but as my computer still lives at my home, and I do not, I do not know when that will be. I miss you all, and hope to hear from you soon. That's all, Goodnight.
P.S. Mary, you have my email addy.... use it!
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