If tomorrow never comes...

Okay, so let me ask that before you read the rest of this post, you first watch the video.



I normally do not write about current events. I do not do news stories. I am a blogger, not a reporter. But this shooting that took place today is very close to home. I have not been at the Westroads Mall in quite some time, but I could have been. After all, it is the season for shopping. I am glad I wasn't. My daughter Emily was heading to Westroads this afternoon shortly before this took place. She didn't make it there. God Bless her friend for being slow to get ready. My good friend and neighbor Don's daughter and ex-wife were planning a shopping trip to Von Maur today, they too changed their minds at the last minute. My sister could have been there. One of my grown children could have been there. My nieces and/or nephews could have been there. My friends could have been there. They were not. I am grateful. The fact that it was so close to home has made me think. I have been thinking all night about it. It isn't about the shooting per se that I have been thinking about, but the fact that you never know if you have a tomorrow. It got me to thinking. If I were to die today, right now, right this minute, have I told all the people in my life, have I told them how I really feel? Have I showed them how much they are loved? The most honest answer I have to this is, no, I have not. So, I am going to do it right now. I will write it here tonight. Tomorrow, I will take the time to contact them, each one, and say what I need to say.

To Jimmy (the hubby)....I love you, I do. I know that things have been hard between us lately, and for that I am sorry. I never expected my life to turn out the way it has, and I guess that I have spent a lot of time blaming you for that. It is not your fault. There was a time when I was truly happy with you. I wish that we could get that back, but it doesn't appear that we ever will. I never wanted to hurt you. And despite what I may say in the heat of the moment, I do not hate you. I wish that I could say I am in love with you. I can not. But I can say that I love you, and that you are special to me. And that I want nothing but good things and happiness for you. I love you.

Jamie (my son)....I love you so much Bubba! You are my pride walking! You are a very special boy, with a heart of gold, and I hope you always stay that way. You make the world a better place just by your presence in it. One day, when you are older and have children of your own, you will know the kind of love that I feel for you. Until then, you just have to take my word for it when I say that I love you more than life itself, and I always will.

Corrine (My daughter)....My special girl. You are a gift from heaven. You are my sunshine when I am sad. You are such a sweet and kind girl, and so smart! Of all of your amazing qualities, I want you to always remember how smart you are. You are beautiful, that is without doubt, but that is not what makes you special baby. There are many beautiful people in this world, but no one else has a heart like yours, or a brain like yours. Use all the gifts that you were given, and you will go far my baby girl. You are my heart walking. I love you around the world plus ------ this much, and that is a whole bunch baby...so much more than you can comprehend.

Kylie (my daughter)....You are mommy's little princess. You are a gift from God. He picked you, out of all the souls in heaven, to be my daughter because he knew that I would never be complete without you. You and I are like puzzle pieces that do not fit with anyone else's pieces. But we fit together perfectly baby. You are my joy walking. You always know how to make mommy laugh. Your joy is a gift, the way you touch people and make their hearts happy. I love you so much my little poo poo nut. You mean the world to me.

Alicia (my daughter).... You are my chosen child. You are my spirit walking. You have such an amazing soul. The way you seem to connect with people is a gift. You are such a wonderful woman. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life, and sharing yourself with me. You never had to do that, but I am so very grateful that you did. I love you.

Emily (my daughter).... You are my dreams walking. You have such a rare ability to dream huge. Chase those dreams baby, do not let anyone tell you you can't achieve them. You have the soul of a poet, and that too is a rare gift, use it. You have become a wonderful young lady. I am so proud of you. Thank you for allowing me to be in your life, for allowing me to be your friend. I love you.

My family and friends.... You are all (each and every one of you) very special to me. I love you all for so many varied reasons that I have not the space here to list them all. Just know that if I count you among this group, you are loved, and I wish you joy and happiness overflowing. I am grateful to have been able to be a part of your lives. I hope that I always will be. I love you.

And last but by no means least...(he just doesn't quite fit into any of the other categories of people...not quite family, not quite friend...)

Tommy (The Honey)....What I have to say to you is not for these pages. It is not for anyone but for you, so until I talk to you again, and can say the things to you I want to say, just know that you are loved without measure, and without end. I love you.

There is only so much you can say out loud, only so many words that exist. I do not think they have yet come up with words strong enough to express how much you all mean to me. How important you all are in my life. If you could feel my love, you would be overwhelmed by it, bowled over with the sheer size of it. You would always feel warm wrapped in it, always content, filled by it. Know this now. Know it always. I will never stop loving any of you. I love you now, and forever.

I guess that's all, Goodnight.