A bucket of fuck is not a good feeling...

Okay, so I stayed home from work again tonight. It is so unlike me to do things like that, yet I seem to be doing a lot of it lately. (I once held the same job for six and a half years, and I only missed three days of work the entire time, due to my son's illness, not my own.) Thing is, I just feel shitty a lot of the time these days. Not just one thing I can point my finger at and say, "This is why I feel bad.", just a general malaise. I am tired all the time. Not sleepy, that is different. Just, I don't know...drained maybe is the right word. This cold I have just won't go away. Every time I think I have it beaten, it comes back with a vengeance. The cough is back, worse than before. The fever is back too. I am still getting unexplained bruises. They are showing up in strange places. On my chest, the insides of my thighs. I swear, I look like someone is beating me while I sleep. I am getting paler by the day. I think I am the whitest person in America (unless Michael Jackson is back in the States these days.) Even my lips and gums are pale now. Maybe I am anemic. I am taking extra iron everyday, but that doesn't seem to be helping any. I have raging headaches almost daily. My hair is getting thinner, and so am I. I still have some weight that I want to lose, but now I am getting a bit concerned that this weight loss that I have been experiencing is more than a mixture of stress and being in love. Maybe there is a reason to be concerned. I am not going to tell you all exactly how much weight I have lost, but I will say it is more than twenty pounds. It is even more than forty pounds, quite a bit more actually, and now I am getting worried. The bags under my eyes are a delicate shade of purplish blue. And I have pain sometimes in my legs... well, I know this sounds weird, but it feels like someone is scraping the insides of my bones with something sharp and metal. Wow. When I put it all in writing it seems obvious even to me that something isn't right. I know it is silly, but when it is happening to you, you just kind of overlook each little thing. Blow it off as a passing bug. But when you group it all together I am thinking maybe I need to make an appointment with a doctor. Someone other than my trusted OB/GYN. I think I will call tomorrow morning and see when they can get me in at my GP's office. It may turn out to be that I am just starting to to fall apart because I am getting older, but I would rather know, right? I just know that I am tired of feeling like a bucket of fuck. I want to feel healthy again. I want some of my old energy back. I want to feel well rested and strong. I want to feel like me. That's all, Goodnight.