In silence...

Okay, so this morning I woke up, and got Corey moving a bit faster to make it to school on time. I called The Honey, who is yet again on the road which means that he is much more available to me. We chatted for a couple of minutes, and then he went back to sleep. (He is working the night shift for the next ten days on this current job. Hours he is not used to working, and so the poor baby kept yawning through our call.) I answered a few emails, and sent a couple of my own. I brushed my teeth, and brushed my hair. I sat back down at the computer, and was just going to turn on the television to watch Good Morning America when it hit me. My hands shook a little as I put down the television remote without turning it on. I remember sitting here six years ago, watching in disbelief as the world changed for ever. I had been sleeping in that morning. I had to get up and go to work, I had to get Corey her breakfast. The hubby had gotten up with Jamie, and Jamie was already at school. I remember being awakened by the hubby. "You have to get up.", he said. "You have to see this, you won't believe it." Then he walked out of the room. I struggled up out of sleep, knowing that I had so much to get done in the hour before I headed off to work. I went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth. I walked right past the television without noticing a thing, to get a cup of coffee. When I sat down on the couch, I noticed that the hubby was just staring at the television. I turned to look. The sound was turned down very low, Corey was playing nearby, oblivious. I watched as the World Trade Center burned. I watched in silence as the second plane hit. The tears fell. My boss called. He said they were saying it could be a terrorist attack. How could that be possible, I thought to myself. This could not happen to us. That only happens in other parts of the world, we are safe. I hurriedly got dressed, and Jimmy, Corey and I went to my office. I was working as a secretary back then. We had a big screen television in our office. As I walked in, I opened the blinds. I needed to feel the sunlight. There were other people there. About ten of us all told. We sat and watched, stunned. When people spoke, it was in whispers. As if by saying things aloud, we could make it worse somehow. We channel hopped. Hoping that each new station we tried would tell a different story, would say that it was not real, this horror we were witnessing. I cried. I was scared. Mark, my boss, put his arms around me and told me it would be okay. I called the school, and asked if they had told the kids what was happening. I wanted Jamie protected from this. The school was keeping hush about what was going on. The kids didn't know. I wanted to bring Jamie home, to have him with me, to make him feel safe. But I did not feel safe. We live very near to Offutt Air Force Base, and we are one of the largest railway hubs in the country. If these people were out to disrupt America, that would be a way to do it. These are the thoughts that went through my head. My head was spinning, thinking of all the possible targets that are near me. The television spewed forth fact and theory, knowledge and supposition. None of it seemed real. They landed planes. The skies grew quiet. It is odd sometimes, how you do not really notice a sound, until it isn't there anymore. Between Eppley Airfield and Offutt Air base, the skies here are never quiet. It was eerie. We watched as a plane hit the Pentagon. And one crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. Eventually we heard the roar of a plane nearby. It frightened me. We soon learned that it was Airforce One, bringing our newly elected President to relative safety at Offutt. It didn't make me feel safer. It made me more afraid. I hate to say it, but I was glad when we heard the plane leaving. It would not have been so bad, except that the damned media told the whole world he was here. I firmly believe in freedom of the press, but I also firmly believe that they were violating all common sense, and national security by broadcasting the location of our leader. Idiots. I remember sitting and staring at the big screen for hours on end. Watching in technicolor as the world became a different place for me. A place that was no longer safe. A place where I might never feel safe again. I thought about all my friends that serve our country. I worried for them. I cried for them, because I knew that retaliation for such an atrocious act would be swift and hard. I knew that I might lose some of them. I called our local Red Cross, and set an appointment to donate blood. I called people that I loved. I kissed my husband. I hugged my friends. We did not work that day in my office. We sat, and cried, and talked of what was next. We made plans of places to meet in an emergency. Plans that we hoped would help keep our families safe. I went home that day early. We all did. The television kept reporting the bad news. And we kept watching. We learned that many people died. And feared that many more would still. We kept waiting to see survivors, being healed, being whole. It didn't happen. I finally went to sleep that night. Jimmy did not come to bed. I slept with my children. I held on to them a little tighter than usual. The next day, I woke up. I sent my son to school. I made my daughter breakfast. I went to work. I started living my life again. But it would never be the same. I still do not feel safe. I know now that we will never be truly safe again. It was always just an illusion. I spoke to The Honey shortly after that day. He would be going to war soon. I did not know it then, but I think he did. Men are still dying because of what happened that day. Men still far from home. I thank them, today. Thank them for doing what needs to be done, so that the people responsible for all this hatred will someday be brought to justice. I believe that it will happen someday. I believe that we will have, if not peace, then at least a semblance of such. I pray for it daily. I pray for the men and women who will continue to try to make the world a little safer for us all. But just for today, I will not watch television. Just for today, I will not turn on the radio. I just want to remember in silence. That's all, Goodbye.