The animal I have become...

Okay, so not really become...more like the animals I have. I have a lot of them. I have lost track of the number of pets I currently own. I used to know, I don't anymore. Why? Well, because some of them die, and then there are new ones added to this little zoo I call home. Let's see... I currently have two dogs. I had three up until just a few days ago when a neighbor called the pound on my sweet Sheba. I know what you are thinking...why don't I just go get her? Well, the fact of the matter is that a neighbor is going to adopt her, they were going to adopt her from us, but the pound caught her first. I know they are just doing their jobs, but really, she weighs about six pounds, and she is the most friendly dog you have ever seen. Also, she was just hanging out in my yard, not bothering a soul. But now the neighbors are going to be the legal registered owner, so when she makes an escape from their house (something she is notorious for) they will get the tickets, not me.. really much better in the long run. So, I am down to two dogs. One, my little Miniature Pincher named Khan,



whom I have had for almost ten years. Poor little guy, he is getting quite old now. I love him so much, he is such a little baby. He weighs about four pounds (on a good day), and just wants to be with his mommy (me). He is always near me. If I am online, he is at my feet. If I am in bed, he is under the blanket cuddled as close to me as he can possibly get. I will miss him when it is his time to die, hopefully that will not be for a long time yet. My second dog is named Fergie. Fergie is a Sharpei/Labrador mix.




I know she looks all sweet and innocent in these pictures, but she really can be quite mean if you piss her off. Most times she would rather lick you than bite, but do not get too close to me around her, or you may end up missing body parts. Fergie weighs about ninety pounds, and thinks she is a lap dog. She talks to me when she wants to go outside. It sounds something like...wrooooo wroooooo wrhoooooooooo...growl...grunt...huff...wrooooo wrooooo. I talk back to her in her language. She thinks I am insane, but she loves me.

I have two cats, who I could not capture long enough to get photos of today. They are hunters by nature. Cat (Yes, that is his name. He was named after a character in a British Sci-Fi Comedy I like called Red Dwarf.) only comes home when he wants some affection, and he doesn't stay long. He did, until Kylie started walking, then he decided that he was safer out fighting other big tom cats, than he was in our house trying to hide from a teething one year old who was newly mobile. My other cat named Git is home a lot more often. We got him when Kylie was about two. He has learned that when picked up by Kylie, the best response is to just go limp and wait for her to get bored with him. He is in the house every night at bedtime, when he waits for Kylie to fall sound asleep before curling up next to her.

I have one guinea pig named Chet. I did have two, but the one named Dog Food died not too long ago. She was a sweet girl, but old. I adopted her from the pound for three dollars, and I had her for about six months. She died happy and well loved. Chet was gifted to me (dumped on me), by a family who no longer wanted to care for him. He is not very friendly, hence no picture. He does not like to be held, but I will try again some other day.

I have one ferret named Schmee.



Schmee is a dolly. She loves to be with her people. Especially with Kylie. She actually kisses Kylie when Kylie makes kissy noises at her. It is so incredibly sweet. I wish I had gotten a picture of that. Maybe next time. I knew I had to have Schmee the first time i held her in the pet store. Just a baby, and all she wanted to do was cuddle up in my arms and sleep. I called home and asked if it was alright. Of course he said yes. He always gives in to my whims. So she was mine. I am so glad. She is the most loving little beast ever.

I have a few birds left. I was up to fourteen of them. Twelve zebra finches, and two parakeets. But in a matter of two days I lost all but five of my finches and one parakeet. I still have not figured out what caused that, but I am glad that whatever it was did not claim them all. Though it did kill Stumpy, my favorite finch. He had gotten a purple hair from Kylie's Halloween wig wrapped around his leg, and by the time I found it the next morning and removed it the damage was done. His little foot fell off a week later, and he was back to being his sweet little self soon after. I miss Stumpy. He used to come to me when all the others would fly away from me in fear.

I have one saltwater clown fish. My children named him Marlin. I guess that is the daddy clown fish's name in Finding Nemo. See, when I bought him, I actually bought two of them. But the very first night, one of them went missing never to be seen again. No carcass, no nothing, so they said that the missing one was Nemo, and the one remaining was Marlin. I am okay with that. Marlin survived the blackout when none of the other fish, starfish, anemones, crabs, or shrimp in my tank did. It was two summers ago, and the power went out for two days. We went to my brother-in-law's place in Omaha to survive the heat, but a salt water tank is not easily transported, so they were left to perish. I felt horrible, but what could I do. I came home to a dead tank, except for Marlin, who is still going strong. Since photographing fish in a tank is not an easy chore, I found a photo online of what Marlin looks like. Isn't he cute?



I also have a pair of Sugar Gliders. They are nocturnal creatures, and so do not like flash photography, so I also stole a picture of what they look like from the web.



Don't they look sweet? Do not be fooled people. Some sugar gliders make great pets, wanting nothing more than the company of their people. But NOT ALL OF THEM! Mine for example, are two females. Sisters. I named them Sydney and Boomer. (They come from Australia after all.) They are vicious little bitches, who will definitely bite the hand that feeds them, over and over again. And when they are angry they make a sound that will chill you to the bone. Amazingly loud too, especially for something so very small. (They easily fit in the palm of your hand.) The only way to describe the noise is that it reminds me somewhat of the sound of an electric pencil sharpener. Only louder, and scarier. Evil little things really. They love to eat fruit and sweet nectar, hence the term sugar glider. They do not fly, but they can glide great distances, similar to flying squirrels. And they are marsupials. But, they will also eat meat. Chicken is a particular favorite. But you have not seen anything until you see a pair of sugar gliders attack and eat a hapless mouse that was stupid enough to hope they would share their daily plate of fresh fruit. One of them glided down on it from her perch and the other attacked from the corner where she had been watching silently. It was horrible to witness, and I hope I never have to see anything like it again. They start with the brains, much like zombies in all bad zombie flicks. It was just unpleasant.

The last creature in my little zoo, is also the newest addition. His name is Baxter. Baxter is a sweet bunny rabbit that I found living in my yard apparently after someone else got tired of caring for him. He was half starved and half bald from being attacked by the neighborhood pets. Baxter now has a warm home with children who adore him, and he is getting fat and has all his hair back. (He still has a few scars from his time in the wild.) I think Baxter looks happy, what do you think?




Well, those are all the pets I have, until some other idiot decides to just dump his pet when he gets bored with it. When one shows up on my doorstep, they become a member of my family, and they are well loved. But really, maybe I should start construction on that Ark, are they calling for rain?

That's all, Goodnight.