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I was just reading through my last few Blog entries, and was asking myself why I have been letting all the small stuff get me so upset lately. The answer did not become apparent until I happened to notice the date on my latest entry. It is now the 12th of June. That means the 15th is just around the corner. Which means the 17th is not too far behind. The 15th will be my daughters 9th Birthday. Her Birthday is always such a bittersweet day for me. I love her so much. But some days, especially on her Birthdays, it is hard for me to look at her and not cry. I wish I could just be happy on that day. But I can't. I will plaster another big smile on my face and fake my way through it until I can crawl into bed away from her eyes,and cry myself to sleep. There won't be any big party this year, which might make faking it a bit harder. When we have big parties, I can often disappear for an hour or so without anyone even noticing. Or if they do notice, they are kind enough not to ask me about it. But this year, because of every one's work and vacation schedules, there will just be a few of us. Disappearing from a party of ten is a lot more difficult than from a party of thirty or more. Anyway, if I seem a little bitchier than usual for the next week or so, I beg your forgiveness in advance. If you do not hear from me for a few days, or see me popping up on IM, it is okay. I will be back when my heart has a little healing time. For now, I just want to sleep. Goodnight.
P.S. For anyone wondering what the hell I am talking about, refer to my post http://thediaryofanangrywhitewomaninamerica.blogspot.com/2007/05/this-time-of-year.html written in May 2007.