The downward spiral...

Wow, you know you are having a shitty day, when your hubby just never comes home, and your honey stands you up all in the same night. Talk about being jilted. There are still a few hours until bar close, I am seriously considering getting shit-faced drunk and having a one night stand. Hey, don't get your knickers in a knot, I said I am considering it, not that I definitely am going to do it. But answer me this...WHY THE HELL SHOULD I NOT DO IT? The hubby won't care, he is not home now, and has been gone for two nights now. I really figured he would be home when I got home from work tonight, but it seems he has somewhere else he would rather be. I mean I know I took that vow and all, but it doesn't seem to be hindering the hubby in his extracurricular activities. He cheated on me two weeks before we got married. He cheated on me the entire time I was pregnant with his son. He even left me for the other woman for about six months. I filed for divorce, and the day he got the papers, he all of a sudden had an epiphany that home is where he belonged, and he begged forgiveness. Stupid and worthless as I am, I took him back. Okay, so I cheated once to "get even", but I couldn't even do that right. I felt so fucking guilty that I told him. Can you believe it? I fucked his best friend for revenge, then I couldn't live with myself. What an idiot I am. I could have kept my mouth shut, and he would have never known. But wait, here is the kicker. They stayed friends, and all the hubby said was, "How can I be mad, I did it to you first, just don't let it happen again." What the fuck? I should have known then he was not the man I needed. And just for the record, the one time I cheated does not in anyway make us even. Hell, I have six months worth of fucking other people before I even get close to even. Oh, and I get to have an "emotional connection" with at least one of them. That sounds fair to me. But wait, there's more. I get to disappear when ever I want, do what ever I want (FOR FOURTEEN YEARS), and it is all okay, just as long as I get drunk before I do it, and blame it all on the alcohol afterwards. Damn, why have I bothered to stay faithful all these years? He obviously isn't. He always claims that he was not with a woman, but he can go try to sell that story to someone who is buying it, because I am not. So lets throw in all those 24-72 hour disappearences, and I am now up to at least a year of fornicating with anyone I damned well please, and i have been faithful to the same man for the last THIRTEEN YEARS? WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Ok, that's it. I am going to call my sweety Luke tomorrow, and see if he wants to go out tomorrow night. (No, I am not planning on throwing myself at Luke, he is my little sweety, and I will tell you all about him in my next post.) Yep, I think I have decided. I need to get laid, well and truely, by someone who I can get to do all manner of naughty things to me, and who I do not have to face the next day. Someone who will not expect me to raise his children, clean his house or cook his meals. Someone who I do not care one tiny little bit about, so if he doesn't call when he says he will, it will not break my heart. Someone who if he stands me up, it will not leave me missing his company. Someone who's laugh does not give me goosebumps. Someone whose smile does not leave me wanting to taste his lips. Just some anonymous man I can easily throw away when I am done with him. Yep, I think I will. That's all, Goodnight.