To be loved enough...

Okay, so I know many of you are wondering what exactly has happened. I think most of you can guess. I am staying at home right now, or at Toni's, if the mood strikes me. The hubby and I have been talking. He says he loves me still, despite what has happened. The Honey says he loves me still, despite what has happened. I am not sure where I am. The truly sad part of all of this, is that I really do believe that both of these men love me. I feel it in my soul. But. And this is a huge but...neither of them loves me enough. See, that really is what is most important isn't it? To be loved enough. To be loved enough to be first. And I am not. I do not think I ever will be. I have a lot of thinking to do over the next little while. A lot of thinking about what I really want. What I really need. And how I can get what I want and need. I need to decide what it is I am going to do. Decide how I want the rest of my life to go. Decide if I continue settling for less than everything I want, or do I strike out on my own, all alone in this world, and start again. New. Fresh. And hope that someday, someone who really means it says that they love me. Someone who is willing to give me everything of him. I know it is not likely. But, one can dream, can't one? That's all, I will keep you posted. Goodnight.