I am beautiful, to him...

Okay, so I spent all day doing laundry at Toni's house today. I did it there because I haven't yet torn apart my washing machine to see if I can fix it. Originally, I thought maybe it had thrown a bearing or something, but I tried running it empty to get a better feel for exactly what is wrong with it. When it is empty, it spins. Add clothes, no spinning. So my best "UN educated" guess is that it has something to do with the belt. I will get up early tomorrow (Today now, I guess.) and call an appliance repair shop. I will use what ever feminine charms I posses to convince who ever answers the phone to talk me through what I need to do to fix it. Wish me luck. I just can not afford to replace it right now. In the last three weeks, I have had to replace my refrigerator, and my microwave. I really do not know what can go wrong next. This whole shit hole I call my home could collapse, but hell that might be a blessing. And if I do not start making repairs pretty soon, it just may. I got to talk to The Honey today. When he is on nights it gets a little harder on us, but he is willing to forgo sleep to spend time with me. We have such a good time when we talk. That man makes me laugh like no other. I swear my day is not complete anymore with out one of his silly little jokes, a funny voice (Talk to me Disco Daddy!!!), or some funny story that makes me laugh until I cry and my sides hurt. Once we get to laughing, it seems to take forever to stop. His laugh gets me laughing harder, and mine appears to have the same effect on him. And the mere mention of pineapples, and we are off to the races. (Inside joke. No, I will NOT share it with you all.) I need that man like I need air. He fills me up, and makes me strong. He carries around all the pieces of my broken heart, and each day he puts one more piece of that fucked up puzzle back together for me. I thank him for that. I am grateful for his love. My dear friend Paula shared with me tonight her own story of "forbidden love". Why is it, that when you finally find the man of your dreams, they already belong to someone else? It just doesn't seem fair somehow. But, I digress. I just spent a couple of hours playing a game with Paula called Literati. It is very much like Scrabble and we had a fun time. But, she had to get to sleep. I really need to find some other "online" friends (Paula and I speak most often online, but she lives less than a block away...how silly is that?) that have my strange schedule, so that I do not sit here all alone all night. I get very lonely sometimes. Something nice happened to me tonight though. I went to our local Super Wal-Mart with Toni tonight. I never bothered to get dressed today, so when we went to the store, I was still in my PJs. (It is not like I was running around half naked. Like I said, I wear PJ pants and tank tops.) Toni and I split up to get our shopping done more quickly, since everything she needed was on grocery side, and mine was in pets and pharmacy. When I got done with my shopping, I went looking for Toni. As I was walking down the aisle, I passed two young men, they couldn't have been more than twenty five. As I walked passed, one of them said hello to me. I smiled and said hi. As I continued to walk past him, he turned to watch me walk away and said, "Damn baby, you're looking mighty fine tonight." I was so flattered. It has been awhile since I have had that effect on a man. And it made this old lady feel pretty good. Especially considering that my hair was thrown up in a very messy bun, I had on only mascara, and I was in my jammies. I just laughed and kept on walking. But I will hold on to that the next time I look in the mirror and start to berate myself for not losing another two pounds that day, or having a flat spot on my nose, or crooked ears, or any of the other flaws I see when ever I face myself. I will hold on to that comment, and the comment of My Sweet, Sweet Honey, who told me today that I am beautiful, to him. That's all, Goodnight.