I want the front page obituary please...

Okay, so I was asked tonight about my last post. Apparently I need to clear some things up. I was asked about the whole "soul mate" and "man of my dreams" thing. The answer to the question is both yes and no. Yes, I have found the man I believe to be my soul mate, and he is definitely the man of my dreams. However, he is currently unavailable to me, and is likely to stay unavailable to me for the rest of the foreseeable future. So no, he is not the one I was talking about. I was talking about a theoretical man of my dreams. Do I really think I get more than one in a lifetime? Probably not. So probably, instead of getting my twenty eight point two years of bliss, I will end up alone living in a small apartment with thirty cats all named Tom. And yelling at phantom farters to knock it off so I can sleep off the hangover from all the Jack Daniels I will consume to drown my misery. That is the more likely way my life will end up. I just hope that when I die, no one finds me for awhile, and all my kitties consume my deceased flesh, and I make it to the front page of the local paper just once. That's all, Goodnight.