Counting my blessings...(part three)

Okay, so I know I haven't written much these past couple of days, and some of you freaks are starting to Jones for something new. Honestly, I find that rather twisted and odd. I am beginning to wonder about you people. Do you like to read my shit because it makes your life seem normal by comparison? Really, the one thing I would like to talk about most is extremely personal, and I just can not share it with you people. I will just say that I have a big decision to make soon, and I am weighing the pros and cons, instead of just following my heart which we know always leaves me fucked in the end. I am proud of me for that. I normally just run headlong into the fray, and hope for the best. This time, I need to take things slow, and figure out what is best for me. So, moving on. I saw something the other day that broke my heart. I was on my way to work Tuesday, and Toni and I stopped to put some gas in the car. As I went in to pay, I noticed two little girls, dirty and hot, counting out change to buy a fountain soda. Nothing too unusual, except they should have been at school. Then I overheard one of the cashiers tell the other that they needed to keep their eyes on the girls, as the day before they had been caught trying to steal some donuts. I watched the two girls pay for their drink, figuring that if they needed a few extra cents, I would give it to them. They managed to scrape up enough and walked out. I stepped up, paid for my gas, and headed out to the pumps. As I was pumping the gas, I looked back towards the store. I saw the two girls slip around the side of the building, and then emerge with a man. He was pushing a stroller laden with two young boys, and a couple of suit cases. The girls were also pushing a stroller, this one too was stuffed full of two children and three suitcases. There were also blankets and two dirty pillows strapped to the top of the stroller with bungee cords. I watched as this sad little ragtag family started walking away, passing the soda back and forth among all six kids. It hit me that I could not just watch them leave. The children looked so tired, and dirty and hungry. But what was I supposed to do? I am only one person. (I have been accused of having a saviour complex, and if that is true, then far be it from me to ever change. That is just my nature, I can not help it.) I realized that I had twenty odd dollars in my pocket that I was going to use to order my weekly lunch pizza at work. I told Toni I had to do something, and headed back into the store. It was just a little convenience store, and the selection was not great, but I managed to find the last two packages of sliced ham, a loaf of bread, a pack of Kraft American slices. I found a few cans of Pringles chips, a half gallon of chocolate milk, some peanut butter crackers. And I found two bags of kiddie mix candy, full of Tootsie rolls, Blow Pops, and Laffy Taffy. I quickly made my purchases, and headed out to the car. When I looked around, I did not see them anymore. Toni asked what I was doing, and I told her that I needed to find that family before I could head to work. How could I ever concentrate on my job, if I was worried that those kids would be hungry all night? She turned down the street headed away from my job, reminding me that I was going to be late if we didn't hurry. We found them, a van had pulled over and was talking to them. I did not want to make a scene, but I had to give them the things I had bought for them. I jumped out of the car and walked up to the man. The kids saw that I had food, and the oldest girl smiled a sweet little sad smile at me. I offered the bags to the man. He started tearing up. "Don't.", I said to him. "Not in front of them. We have all been there, just do the best you can." He thanked me, and told me God will bless me for that, and then he handed the oldest the bread and meat and cheese. She started slapping together sandwiches, and passing them out, youngest first. The man opened the milk, and filled two dirty bottles. He then handed it around and the older ones started drinking. It made me want to cry. I thought about how grateful they all seemed for so little. How so many times in my day, I bitch because some small thing goes wrong, or the hubby calls to remind me to stop at the store on the way home for a soda and some cigarettes. Or I get pissy because The Honey is working later than he expected and didn't call when he said he would. Or I get home, and the house is nastier then when I left it. Or I did not manage to get any overtime, and my check is too small. Or the phone company calls to remind me that my bill was 108 dollars, and I only sent them 106 by mistake. Or I forget that Thursday night is garbage night, and the garbage doesn't get out to the curb. Or the kids ate all my sugar free yogurt even though I bought them ice cream. Or any of the other myriad things I find to get myself upset with through the day. I thought about all of that while watching these children light up when they saw that there was enough candy to go around without having to share. The man explained that they had been staying in a motel, but that his wife had left them and taken all the money, so he wasn't sure where they were going to go. I did the only thing I could think of, and gave him directions to the local homeless feeding house, and told him that someone there would be able to get them into a shelter. We only had Toni's small car, not enough room to take them there, and I was sorry. The man thanked me again, and I turned to walk away. As I climbed into the car, I thought about how he said that God would bless me for my actions. I thought to myself, that he already has. See, I have a roof over my head every night. It may be a worn out, ready to fall down, never properly cleaned mobile home, but it is paid for. I have bills that need paid, because I have lights and heat and phones, both land lines and cellular. I have sugar free yogurt in my refrigerator everyday, and when the kids eat it all, I just buy more. When the hubby wants me to stop for soda and cigarettes, it is because I have the money with which to buy them. My checks are sometimes small, but I earn one every week, because I HAVE a job. The Honey sometimes doesn't call when he says he will, because he is busy working HIS job to pay for those calls he makes to me (which cost him plenty). I have garbage that doesn't get put out to the curb, but I have garbage. That means that we have things that we have consumed in one way or another, and what we throw away is stuff we have no more use for, because it was replaced by more stuff. I am blessed with three beautiful children who love me (and one who is waiting for me), at least one , possibly two, men that love me, and by friends who love me. How can I be so ungrateful for the things I have been given? I will work on this. I also think I will call our local homeless shelter, and see if they have some hours available on the weekends when they could use some help. That is the least I can do. That's all, Goodnight.