Crazy Bitch...

Okay, I just want to go on record saying that I think my crazy is starting to rub off on the people in my life, and I will leave it at that. Not much new has been going on the past few days. I have just been working, missing my son, and missing My Honey. I did get an email from my son. I love that child beyond words. I need him like I need air. I need to hurry up and get moved out, so he will want to come and spend his weekends with me. Right now, he is so upset with his father that he just doesn't want to be around home. He appears to be having a good time on his vacation in Montana though. And that is a good thing, he needs to relearn how to be a child. It is my fault that he has grown up so fast. I relied on him far too much to help me with the girls, and to be my confidant, and even sometimes my partner in crime. (Not literally of course, just my best friend.) The line between the mother/child relationship, and the friendship sometimes blur with us. Hopefully this year will reestablish those boundaries. I need to give up my friendship with him, and just be his mom again for awhile. It is just that I spent so long feeling alone, and just caring for my kids. I couldn't talk to my hubby, he never listens anyway. So Jamie became my sounding board. Now, I blog instead. There are just some things you can't talk to your kids about. On a different subject, The Honey is starting to realize that I am a nut job. Anyone who reads my blog can figure that out. He actually told me in his latest email that I confuse the hell out of him. What I want changes so drastically from day to day. One day I never want to hear "I Love You" again, the next day I am begging to hear it. I just want to state that I always want to hear the TRUTH, whatever that may be, despite anything I may say to the contrary. The easiest way to have me in your life, is to just learn to ignore any negative shit I may say, because I will be saying the complete opposite in about an hour. See, nuts huh? But that is just me, I do not know how to fix it, and to be honest I am not sure I would if I could. I read a line in D1rtyf1lthy's LiveJournal that states... "Fuck women get it bad. Seems every chick I know is messed up, bad things have happened in the past, their guts have been messed round with, their insides get all mangled and it takes a long time, it takes a real long time to come right." I do not know how to describe myself any better than that. So if you love me, just overlook the odd behaviour, you will never understand it. And if you do, please clue me in, because I am lost as hell. That's all, Bye.