So, I had a shitty night of sleep. And now I am up and wide awake yet again far too early. I swear if I do not start sleeping better soon, I may end up in the nut ward for awhile. I really think this lack of honest to goodness sleep is starting to have a negative effect on my brain. Anyway, I have decided that I need to get the hell out of Dodge as soon as possible. Living with this hubby of mine is no good anymore. It is always extremely unpleasant to be around him, and this house is just not big enough to share. I am miserable, he is miserable, and my kids are miserable. Just a bad situation all around. Problem is, with my work schedule it is extremely convenient to have him here with my girls at night. They can sleep at their own house instead of at some baby sitter's place. I could always drag my father along for the ride with me when I go, so I would have a built in sitter, but that means one more mouth to feed, and I really can't afford him. Oh well, I will figure it out soon I hope. The Honey is working so much these days it seems we hardly get to talk anymore. Which really sucks, because talking to him helps me maintain my sanity. I don't know why, something in his voice just triggers a calming effect in my brain. I miss him. Also, to be honest, I am tired of being the bird. I want to be the worm for awhile, so from now on, he can call me if he wants to talk. Sorry if I seem extra bitchy these days, the stress of all this shit is just tearing me down. I miss my son. He moved in with his aunt and uncle last week, and I miss the sound of his voice. I know in my heart that he is in the best place he could be for right now, but it doesn't make it any easier. Last night he called home and tore my heart out. I had spent most of the day with him, shopping for school supplies, and it was a nice time. But apparently it made things harder for him, because he called me crying saying he wanted to come home. I want him to come home too. He was not sent to live there as a punishment for anything he had done. I sent him there because here is just not good for him, especially the way things are right now. I hope someday he gets it. I hope he realizes that if I loved him less I would never have sent him. In fact, he begged for a year to be allowed to go there. That broke my heart let me tell you, but I understood too. His father is not a very "fatherly" type. His way of parenting is to ignore the kids as much as possible until they irritate him so much he just starts yelling at them. And he is not exactly the role model I would wish for my children. Okay, I do not want to talk about this anymore. I am tired of crying all the time, over the situations I put myself in. You know, I feel so stupid. I was gifted with a brain that works, and I tend to make decisions based on my heart instead. Maybe I need to learn to be a cruel hearted bitch all the time, and I wouldn't get hurt so much. Is there a class I can take to learn that? Anyway, that is all for now, Bye.
P.S. I sent Jon "the Hellbound Smoker" a happy birthday wish, and got a VERY interesting response. But no I will not share it with you, I like him too much to do that to him. Still, I am laughing my ass off. Thanks Jon, I needed that!!! You sexy thing. Check out his site, the funniest shit on the web - Handbook For The Hellbound.
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